The Art of Losing: Why Embracing Failure is the Key to Winning

By Paddy Upton

If you want to win at anything worthwhile, you’ll need to learn how to lose. And not just in a “dust yourself off and try again” kind of way, but in a deeper, more accepting, and ultimately liberating way.

Because here’s the reality—whether in sport, business, or life, if you play big enough, long enough, you’re going to lose – fairly often. You’re going to fail. You’re going to come up short. The best athletes in the world lose games. The most successful business leaders have repeatedly faced rejection. And every high performer, no matter how polished they look on the outside, has had their share of setbacks.

So the question isn’t how to avoid losing, but how to lose well.

The Mental Trap

Indian cricketer MS Dhoni, one of the best in the world at managing his mind under pressure, puts it simply: the mind is the most powerful thing. If you can control it, you can do almost anything better. But if you don’t, it controls you. And this is where most people trip up—not because of external pressure, but because of where their mind wanders when the pressure hits.

The moment the stakes rise, a common mental narrative kicks in. “What if I fail?” “What will 

people think?” “What if I lose my spot in the team, my job, my credibility?”

Most people stumble here. Not because they aren’t skilled enough, but because they allow these thoughts to dictate their actions.

The Paradox of Losing

Here’s a reality worth pondering—if you worry about losing, you’re going to lose. And if you don’t worry about losing, you’re still going to lose. So why worry?

Instead, focus on doing what it takes to win. Specifically, focus on the most immediate next step forward. And do this with full acceptance that losses will happen. Don’t judge yourself by them, and don’t let them define you. The best in the world aren’t the ones who avoid losing—they’re the ones who accept mistakes and failure happen, they learn from them and keep moving forward, wiser, more experienced, and, most times, grateful for the lessons. They don’t get this right every time, just more often than most.

Embracing the ‘Losing’ Moments

Imagine a batsman facing a fast bowler. If they’re worried about getting hit on the head or losing their wicket – which focuses on a failure in the future –  their chances of successfully managing the next delivery reduces dramatically. If they fade these thoughts into the background and focus their attention into the present moment and on watching the ball, they have a far better chance of a successful execution.

This is where managing the mind comes in. The key is not to block out the distractions, the fear, or the noise. It’s about recognising and acknowledging these thoughts, fading them into the background – like music in a restaurant – and then directing focus on the next ball, the next play, the next decision.

Ultimately, winning isn’t about not failing. It’s about mastering the moments when failure is staring you in the face, and choosing to keep going anyway. There are no guarantees, but the better you are able to focus on the right action, whilst fading external noises and internal mental chatter into the background, the greater your chance of success.

A Simple Mental Reframe

Mindset before the event: 

The next time you find yourself facing failure, loss, or falling short:

1. Accept that failure happens – Shit happens – it’s a very normal and important part of the game of life. Don’t let this hold you back.
2. Take action – Focus on the present moment and on the next positive action, with the noises of distraction playing quietly in the background. The effort and execution is inside your control – the result is not. 

Mindset after the event:

If the outcome happens to be loss, failure or falling short, then:

1. Accept that failure happens. Shit happens – maybe even smile about it. 
2. Extract the lesson – When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. Be grateful for the insight, experience and wisdom that losing offers. And with this new insight, 
3. Take action: Don’t sit and mope any longer than is entirely necessary to process a healthy level of disappointment, then take action that moves you towards your next success 

Losing isn’t a roadblock—it’s part of the path to success. The way to even more consistent success is to accept and embrace losing as an important part of the journey, fade distractions and mental chatter into the background, then to lean into the challenge. 

The best are similar to the rest in that they also don’t want to fail or lose, but are different in that they remain more focused on the required task than on the voices of distraction.