By Paddy Upton
This article is based on themes explored in two recent reels — a clip from my podcast Lessons from the World’s Best with Gary Kirsten, and a reflection on how ego quietly undermines team performance.
First, what do I mean by ego? It’s that often unconscious part of us that is preoccupied with how we’re seen by others – driving our need to look good and to be right. And when these things are under threat, ego kicks in to defend our image. It justifies, blames, deflects or even attacks – fighting to not look bad or not be wrong – all in service of protecting how we appear.
Importantly, ego makes things ‘all about me’. Specifically, how I am viewed through the eyes of others.
In high-performance environments — especially where results are public, pressure is high, and expectations are unrelenting — ego tends to show up more often than we like to admit. It needs the win to look good, and it’s scared to lose and look bad!
I’ve heard people say things like, “That person has no ego.” I don’t buy that. We’ve all got ego. Just like we all have fear. The question is: how well do we manage it?
Because when ego is in the driver’s seat — when we’re more focused on our own agenda than the team’s — our leadership impact is diminished. The primary task of leadership and coaching is to serve others, not yourself.
In an episode of my podcast Lessons from the World’s Best, I spoke with Gary Kirsten about exactly this. He shared that one of his greatest coaching learnings came from working in the IPL. Because it’s such a strongly results-driven environment, the pressure to win kicks in almost immediately. Lose a few games, and that desperation to turn things around can distort even the best of us. Suddenly, ego steps in. The scoreboard starts calling the shots.
Gary said something that really stuck with me:
“We’ve only got one consistency in our lives — and that’s who we are as people. If you lose that, and start to behave differently because you need the result so badly, then you’ll lose the people you’re trying to lead.”
That desperation to win — if it’s allowed to override who we are — is when ego does the most damage. We go from coaching to controlling. From leading to reacting.
From “how do I serve the team?” to “how do I protect my status?”
But ego isn’t always a problem. In fact, it’s necessary — especially when it’s channeled wisely.
Ego is what pushes us in the gym and on the training ground. It drives us to improve, to compete, to bring our best, to look good. In that sense, ego is fuel – and it’s especially useful in the preparation phase. But once we step onto the field, into a team environment, into any group setting, we need to shift gears.
Because in a team setting, the real question becomes: What does the team require of me?
The smartest players — and the best leaders — learn how to align their personal agenda with the team’s agenda. Where they overlap, double down. Where they clash, the moment demands a choice: Do I go with my own ambition, or do I subvert it in service of the team?
The answer to that question is what builds your reputation. People remember how you chased success more than whether you achieved it. They remember whether or not you were a team player.
And as a leader, your team’s trust doesn’t hinge on how badly you want to win. It hinges on who you are when things get hard — and how consistent you’re willing to stay.
Ego isn’t something to eliminate — it’s something to understand and manage. And in high-stakes environments, your ability to lead others often hinges on how well you’ve learned to lead yourself.
